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By
DEBORAH NICOL
At his brother's request, a
member of the mob obtains some good blackmail dirt
on a group of actors in order to let his
12-year-old nephew try his hand at screenwriting.
The plot of "Gigli"? No -- the only explanation
for the creation of this flat, lifeless waste of
film.
When the most intriguing piece of dialogue comes
from Ben Affleck's title character reading the
back of a Tabasco bottle, there's trouble. When
J.Lo's lesbian hit woman's best line of reasoning
emanates from the back of her low rider jeans,
there's more trouble. If the Bennifer wonder twins
thought this movie would be a good beginning to
their life together, it is no wonder they ran away
to hide out in Georgia.
The plot-never-ending brings their thug characters
together to kidnap and babysit a federal
prosecutor's mentally challenged brother, in order
to influence an upcoming courtroom decision. In
this Oscar-avoiding break out role as the mentally
impaired, Justin Bartha surely must have mimicked,
er, studied, Dustin Hoffman's Raymond Babbitt over
and over, or at least seen Saturday Night Live
sketches of him. Also co-starring is a long-ago
sold out Al Pacino, who had previously done a
caricature of himself in director Martin Brest's
other film, "Scent of a Woman." Also in their own
mini-scenes are Lainie Kazan ("My Big Fat Greek
Wedding") and Christopher Walken. In short, Pacino
screams a lot, Kazan reminds us not to discuss
sexual experimentation with our mothers, and
Walken acts a little off kilter -- a far cry from
their usual cameos, to say the least. It is almost
impressive how little they do with the empty
canvas they are given to work with. Most of the
movie feels as if an introductory junior high
drama class is being filmed ad libing for the
first time, with all of the awkward bumps and lack
of creativity that comes from that intellectual
growth spurt.
And the junior high band is not helping. Most of
the movie lacks a soundtrack (good for some
movies, but not for those where dialogue is not a
friend), and when the sweeping strings appear,
they have shown up in the locker room. In one of
the final scenes, the music implies a touching
confession, but the void is instead filled with
the discussion of how Gigli would look with
mascara.
Like the film itself, as far as DVD extras go,
there ain't nuthin' there. |
