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By
WAYNE KLEIN
Ah, the smell of fresh
cheese. Before my eyes melted from their sockets
due the toxic nature of "Showgirls," I actually
found myself looking at my watch and wondering how
much of my life I've truly wasted watching garbage
like this. I didn't like the answer. Nothing like
five years to allow a movie to mature from fresh
baked disaster to warm from the oven camp classic,
and that's precisely what it took for "Showgirls"
to move from one damned category to another.
"Showgirls" showed as much potential to becoming a
"classic" as a G-string does for keeping Eskimos
warm in the heart of winter. Paul Verhoeven's
cinematic ode to erotic performers caught everyone
off guard because it was so amazingly bad. Joe
Eszterhas fills every scene with inept dialogue,
every cliché imaginable and just about anything to
titillate the American male.
The picture quality isn't a huge step up compared
to the previous edition of the film. It looks
about the same over all, although this is the
first time that it has been presented in an
anamorphic transfer (i.e. resolution will be
better for HDTV viewers). There's no noticeable
analog artifact. The digital artifacts are kept to
a minimum with occasional edge enhancement evident
but not a big issue. The deep, rich bass rolls out
the speakers like thunder and sounds impressive.
There's a bit of compression but, again, it's not
a big issue here. The 5.1 format is used
impressively with music and effects popping out of
speakers like a jack in the box. Bottom line is,
do you need to buy this again? Hell no.
However, this special edition goes for the
jugular. First and foremost, this boxed set is
designed like a "Rocky Horror Picture Show" party
package for home use. We get a pin-the-pasties
game which will probably get a lot of use in
college frat houses -- my guess is that this game
can double up for "Showgirls" and hazing new
members. The storyboard-to-screen featurette
demonstrates one thing: that a film can appear
just as bad in pre-production as it can when it
was released. How Verhoeven missed the fact that
this is a gigantic disaster is beyond me. Even
this featurette demonstrates that it looked pretty
bad from the first visual conception. "The Lap
Dance Tutorial" will, once again, probably get
lots of use by bored housewives trying to arouse
their husbands. It'll also go over big for
sleepovers as well. We also get photo cards, a
pop-up trivia game for a very trivial movie, and
party games related to the photo cards. In other
words, it's a party in a box for the hard drinking
crowd on a Saturday night (although ironically the
directions scream that you should be using
non-alcoholic beverages for the drinking games!).
Sometimes comedy ain't pretty and the comic effect
of some of these extras will make your ears melt
off.
It's wise that Verhoeven didn't even try to do a
commentary. It would never be listened to except
for those with a taste for S&M. Instead, we get
actual lap dancers commenting on the action. Boy,
did I learn a lot. Uberfan David Schmadder also
tries to bring some sanity to the picture by
pointing out the obvious. Actually, his comments
are a lot funnier than Verhoeven's would have
been, although I'm not sure if that was always
intentional. If it was, he should have gone for
the gusto and just done the most outrageous
commentary track imaginable to mankind. Perhaps a
commentary on the "jiggle" factor or how much
silicon has been injected into each breast would
liven up the commentary a bit more.
Frat houses will have a blast, as will anyone who
wants to belt back a couple of drinks with
friends. Just make sure that you have a member of
the opposite sex watching it with you (or someone
you truly like) as things might get hot and heavy
after you play some of the silly games that come
with this boxed set. If nothing else, the special
box this comes in would make a great footstool. A
truly bizarre offering from MGM,
"Showgirls-Special Edition" is indeed truly
special. And that's not a compliment. |
