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By
MELINA GEORGIS
In the last decade few films have ever been lambasted as severely or as viciously by critics. They were particularly
mean to Madonna, who was universally taken to task for being utterly incapable of acting. And yes, I have to concur. It is true.
She's an awful actress and it is often painful to watch her. She also does not look
very good any longer. Don't mean to be catty, but she's been way too muscular, too butch, to be sexy for a while; plus she seems to have done something
to her face recently. A facelift perhaps, or implants. I don't follow gossip columns so I can't report anything with
certitude, but it's obvious she's had some facial work done and it wasn't done well.
The film is not, however, the total washout establishment critics would have you believe. Mr. Madonna, a.k.a. director Guy Ritchie,
knows where to point the camera for maximum effect -- only his wife seems badly photographed -- and is quite controlled here: There are far fewer
cinematographic contortions than his signature films "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch."
The Mediterranean backdrops are gorgeous and the rest of the cast, especially
Adriano Giannini, are decent. But, most of the time the film is all over the place. Ostensibly a satire on capitalism
and the battle of the sexes (following closely the theme in Lina Wertmüller's misogynistic 1974 original) it is
simple-minded and often preachy. It may seem to extol the pleasures of a simple life and love, but the melodramatic yet
nihilistic ending feels pasted on and badly thought out. A silly series of coincidences provides a
conclusion that is at once unromantic, unbelievable and unsatisfactory. But, hey, you get to see Madonna get slapped.
If you expect some insight into the film from the commentary track from Ritchie and producer Matthew Vaugh, you will be
sorely disappointed. They seem totally oblivious to the fact that their film has been critically despised and that
Madonna can't act. It's mostly a typical how-to technical commentary. Other extras include 16 deleted scenes, a decent
featurette, filmographies and trailers.
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